Until February….Days 66 – 72: Spin class of champions (hmmm), hens VS stags and THE dress!

So it’s Sunday, it’s snowing and I felt like that gave me free reign to do absolutely nothing! It was tough and some people may not have had the stamina but not me – no no no like a champion I powered through to the end. I did consider going to the gym but the BBC issued a “weather warning” So what was I supposed to do ignore the BBC….Crazy talk!

This week has been quite uneventful but I did have quite possibly the best spin class of my life – not for fitness reasons but for pure joy that someone like this spin instructor actually exists! Let me set the scene for you…… It starts with a rather unenergetic me arriving in a massive hoody to cover the fact that my leggings have shrunk (clearly that’s what happened) and getting set up on my bike. Caught up with some of the yummy mummys who attend this class, they make me feel like I wish I could say I was in good shape considering I had given birth but no no this body is all on me! And then HE arrives…… In an all in one lycra number with spaghetti straps…..OH MY GOD! It’s Mr Motivator 2013!

“LADIES LADIES LADIES ARE…..WE……READY…..TO……HURT!!!!!” “OH YEAH MMMMMMMMM WE ARE GONNA PUMP…….IT!”

Inside I die a little at this point whilst also being massively intrigued at his setting up rituals, kind of like watching a David Attenborough wild life documentary! He struts and I mean struts up to the bike, he uses his elbow to line up his saddle whilst making what sound like sexual noises, he then starts spinning the wheels with one foot whilst standing behind the bike and nodding in my general direction…… I feel like he is judging my hoody…..PIPE down buddy you’re in a lycra onesie stop eyeballing me!

Then it begins and during the course of the class the following is said: “Come on team lets pump this shit – we are cycling our way to awesomeness…!” DEAR LORD OF EXERCISE PLEASE HELP ME! When Sally a nice lady to my right makes a huff noise during an uphill climb she is told “DON’T GRAB DEFEAT GRAB YOURSELF!” Then Mr Motivator takes it old school and we spin to Two Unlimited – There’s no limit during which he SHOUTS through his headset “WHAT IS THERE” A pre prepared pause is on the track – he pulls a Husain Bolt Lighting pose and track restarts so he can shout “THERES NO LIMIT” Next song is a remix version of Elvis Presley a little less conversation, the second part of the track has been dubbed over and goes (all sing with me) “a little less conversation, a little more…….cycling please” I’m sweating with laughter, I can’t bear it anymore but he can’t top this can he….WRONG! “Ladies we are about to go Ibiza on this class – strap on sorry in!” He jumps off his bike as SCOOTER starts to play (I’m sure that’s just what they play in Pacha!) and then he dance walks past us – gets in my face and says “that doesn’t look like the face of a women who’s ass is kissing the seat…” He shouts in other people’s faces still dance walking and then he turns all of the lights out – bumps into at least three bikes on his strut back to his bike – he finally gets back on and produces a glow stick sorry TWO glow sticks – THIS IS ACTAULLY HAPPENING is all I can think.

The last track is a sprint at which I am told “ ARE YOU SWEATING BLONDIE?”  I reply “Yes yes I am” and then he says it – the comment of the year so far “ GOOD BECAUSE THAT IS YOUR FAT CRYING – YOUR FAT IS CRYING LIKE A BABY RIGHT NOW” WOW that is all I have to say.

We all leave the class in silence yet somehow bonded for life by what we have just witnessed - in years to come we can stand proudly side by side and say “we were there, I survived THAT spin class the 16^th February 2013!”

A little competition has been started this week between the Bridesmaids and the Groomsmen Fit one……clearly there is no competition because we are going to finish you like a cheese cake, crush you and make your Stag do look like dinner at Nandos with a shandy at the pub after. My hens are bringing the PARTY – I expect circus acts breathing fire, hoola hoops, PVC (NOT ON ME) crimewatch replays, to be featured on A&E abroad and possibly end up with a Beyoncé tattoo on my forehead! That’s right Groomsmen we take your challenge and we laugh in its face! THIS….IS…….ON!

Saturday was quite an epic day…..it was the day that after 30 dresses…..numerous shops (some quite horrific) that we finally found THE dress! Its official I have a wedding dress much to the relief of my incredible Bridesmaids who have been to every shop with me! After travelling across the country we ended up finding this beautiful creation in one of the most local shops possible, it has recently re-opened with new and IMPROVED owners.  I am proud to say I will be wearing a dress to marry you from Shades of White, St Ives, Cambridgeshire. Any brides to be reading this – it’s worth travelling to this shop, travel hours if you have to because trust me when I say you will find a dress here! Ask for Jane because she is just adorable in fact I want to adopt her into my family but all of the staff (family run shop) are amazing, their stock is insane – you will not find one horrific satin flowered overload creation here oh no! That’s it about the dress – no more discussion on the matter, you will have to wait until the day now fit one.

I have missed you so much the past few days, if it’s possible I feel I have hit the “tour wall” I have reverted back to the early days of random crying fits, listing to certain songs on repeat, staring at my calendar urging it to be a bad dream and we are actually only days away from the 25^th March for R&R, writing eblueys at 0200 in the morning when I can’t sleep for thinking of you and wearing your Rugby top every night (in between washes obviously, I’m not a hobo!)

 This week I have mostly missed: making inappropriate snowmen with you, having a duvet afternoon together today and being able to run home to you after I had found my dress to tell you excitedly that I couldn’t tell you anything… J

Until later this week, I love you always

 

PS STILL UNABLE TO LOAD PHOTOS - IF ANYONE KNOWS WHY PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE SEND ME AN EMAIL - IT IS EBLOGGER NOT MY COMPUTER :-( SAD FACE